There's a peculiar sadness that comes when you realize that despite having good friends, a supportive community, and people to talk to, the more you communicate with others, the more isolated you feel within yourself. You begin caring so much about maintaining good relationships with everyone that you start losing your authentic self in the process. You transform into a public identity rather than remaining a unique human being. You feel compelled to present the most perfect version of yourself, even with your closest friends, because paradoxically, when everyone knows you, no one truly knows you.
Then there are times when, even surrounded by wonderful people, you can't share your genuine feelings. Not because they would judge you, but because there's an underlying awkwardness. You realize that your friends are your inspirations, you become what you think and whom you associate with. You can't speak directly to them about this. Instead, you adopt different personalities with different people to accommodate their feelings. And there's that anxious realization that YOU are the one constantly changing your moods, personalities, and conversation topics according to different people, not them. They're simply being their authentic selves.
Some people call this a "Leader Personality," but is a leader ever born to not be a genuine version of himself? Is a leader born to always hide and accommodate according to people? The question sometimes trembles my soul, always left alone with this dark and upset weather, and the sudden urge to jot down my thoughts and feelings. And then keeping these notes like scripts in my private Notion feels like I've wasted my time writing this because no one is reading it. Even I myself am not going to read this again in the future. It is just... what if we all had a special person who worked for us like Notion? A good listener? Who listens to your feelings, relaxes you, calms you down, makes you feel comfortable, and like Notion has a sense of ASMR while writing down your feelings, what if that one person gives you that comforting feeling? That is all a Man Needs.
As I always say, The World's idea of love is utterly misleading.
—Rohan Ghalib